Hacklebarney.
Hacklebarney!!
Hacklebarney!!!
Hacklebarney!!!!!
Hacklebarney.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Warrior Dash part duex.
So my blogging skills are pretty fucking rusty to say the least. Writing a blog at 1am wasn't the best idea either, but looking back at the last entry I clearly did not do the Warrior Dash justice. So here is a real breakdown of the day.
We started our travels to the Warrior Dash almost four hours before our heat at 2pm. After following some shitty Google map directions (I know Google owns Blogspot but seriously we went the wrong way for twenty minutes, being better than Mapquest just makes it as reliable as a drunk saving your seat at the bar) we ended up stuck in traffic a quarter mile from the parking lot. Now with an hour til race time we had to pay to park, find a space, walk to the shuttle, take the shuttle to the race site, sign in, get our race bibs, check our bags, take a pre-race piss and get to the starting line. Somehow we were able to do all of these things with ten minutes to spare. Miracle.
The race stared with our heat running under the entrance to the race, a steel gateway (really wanted to use the word Star-gate here) shooting flames into the sky. Clearly a great way to get motivated for three miles of torture. The first obstacle we had was a run through a plywood castle. Unfortunately 200 people running through a door frame the size of.... a fucking door frame, is just a giant clusterfuck. I mean we barely ran 100 meters before I was just walking around a silly castle. I mean since the Warrior Dash in Pennsylvania was at Skirmish Paintball the castle makes sense, but its not really an obstacle. However as I left the second castle there was a dude in a tutu bent over in pain for no decipherable reason. Shit may have already been too awesome for him.
I'll veer off from the actual race here to point out how awesome the costumes were. Giant body builders in blue body paint and smurf attire, guys in superhero underwear (jealous), homemade cheerleader outfits, kilts, full business suits, and tons of people in in homemade t shirts. Normally I'd trash talk the teenage boy/ mom combo with the matching t shirts but in this case they deserve a break. Plus I'm pretty sure they finished before me.
After the castle was a sketchy walkway of wooden planks that was about five feet high and cracking under our feet. I stayed behind to make sure Heather was okay getting across, luckily this was our first and only water break. Once I saw her ankles were still attached I apologized for what I was about to do and took off like a bat out of hell. If I wanted to beat the one hour mark I had to get going.
The next few obstacles blurred together, but I remember a series of walls roughly a little higher than a chain link fence with mud pits on the other side. After the final one I lost my shoe for a few seconds in a foot of mud, but was able to recover it in time to reach another obstacle, a river of mud. Not so much a river exactly, just a foot deep trench of mud with no way around. Than there was a few long stretches of actual running, followed by a waist deep walk through a lake, a knee deep walk through a river and a climb through a series of elastic ropes resembling a spider's web. This all led to my biggest fear, the Great Warrior Wall.
Now for those of you that don't know me well, I fucking hate heights. Always have. When I roll up on a twelve foot rope climb up a sketchy wooden wall, I need some fucking emotional support. Unfortunately I was about ten minutes ahead of my group in the race so I did what any real man would do. I chicken shitted out. I sat there for a few minutes trying to get my balls up but when I realized I was losing time and my support team was nowhere to be found, I had to skip it. Fuck that. If I panicked on the top, fell and snapped my ankle, you think the security dude in the lawn chair with the walkie talkie was gonna help? Highly fucking doubtful.
After the wall was a few quick obstacles in a row with the finish line in sight. The barrel crawl, the cargo climb (just as high as the wall but so much less sketchy that I actually did this one), two foot-high rows of flames to jump over, and a crawl through mud, under barbed wire (rubber I think) with one last muddy dash to the finish line. At the end there were a few people waiting to give you your medal for finishing, and a row of tables with piles of bananas and cups of cool/clean water. I can't even tell you how much mud I got in my water cup, but I could really care less.
After the race I waited a few moments and saw another heat start their race. I knew it had to be the 3:30 heat, which meant I had beaten the one hour mark. A few minutes later I walked over to watch Heather, Hayley and Wira come across the finish line together. We recovered with a few more cups of water and than headed to the fire hoses a few hundred feet away, to wash off as much mud as we could before we went and collected our reward, a free pint of shitty beer and a bratwurst on a roll.
Our shoes after being hosed off.
We started our travels to the Warrior Dash almost four hours before our heat at 2pm. After following some shitty Google map directions (I know Google owns Blogspot but seriously we went the wrong way for twenty minutes, being better than Mapquest just makes it as reliable as a drunk saving your seat at the bar) we ended up stuck in traffic a quarter mile from the parking lot. Now with an hour til race time we had to pay to park, find a space, walk to the shuttle, take the shuttle to the race site, sign in, get our race bibs, check our bags, take a pre-race piss and get to the starting line. Somehow we were able to do all of these things with ten minutes to spare. Miracle.
The race stared with our heat running under the entrance to the race, a steel gateway (really wanted to use the word Star-gate here) shooting flames into the sky. Clearly a great way to get motivated for three miles of torture. The first obstacle we had was a run through a plywood castle. Unfortunately 200 people running through a door frame the size of.... a fucking door frame, is just a giant clusterfuck. I mean we barely ran 100 meters before I was just walking around a silly castle. I mean since the Warrior Dash in Pennsylvania was at Skirmish Paintball the castle makes sense, but its not really an obstacle. However as I left the second castle there was a dude in a tutu bent over in pain for no decipherable reason. Shit may have already been too awesome for him.
I'll veer off from the actual race here to point out how awesome the costumes were. Giant body builders in blue body paint and smurf attire, guys in superhero underwear (jealous), homemade cheerleader outfits, kilts, full business suits, and tons of people in in homemade t shirts. Normally I'd trash talk the teenage boy/ mom combo with the matching t shirts but in this case they deserve a break. Plus I'm pretty sure they finished before me.
After the castle was a sketchy walkway of wooden planks that was about five feet high and cracking under our feet. I stayed behind to make sure Heather was okay getting across, luckily this was our first and only water break. Once I saw her ankles were still attached I apologized for what I was about to do and took off like a bat out of hell. If I wanted to beat the one hour mark I had to get going.
The next few obstacles blurred together, but I remember a series of walls roughly a little higher than a chain link fence with mud pits on the other side. After the final one I lost my shoe for a few seconds in a foot of mud, but was able to recover it in time to reach another obstacle, a river of mud. Not so much a river exactly, just a foot deep trench of mud with no way around. Than there was a few long stretches of actual running, followed by a waist deep walk through a lake, a knee deep walk through a river and a climb through a series of elastic ropes resembling a spider's web. This all led to my biggest fear, the Great Warrior Wall.
Now for those of you that don't know me well, I fucking hate heights. Always have. When I roll up on a twelve foot rope climb up a sketchy wooden wall, I need some fucking emotional support. Unfortunately I was about ten minutes ahead of my group in the race so I did what any real man would do. I chicken shitted out. I sat there for a few minutes trying to get my balls up but when I realized I was losing time and my support team was nowhere to be found, I had to skip it. Fuck that. If I panicked on the top, fell and snapped my ankle, you think the security dude in the lawn chair with the walkie talkie was gonna help? Highly fucking doubtful.
After the wall was a few quick obstacles in a row with the finish line in sight. The barrel crawl, the cargo climb (just as high as the wall but so much less sketchy that I actually did this one), two foot-high rows of flames to jump over, and a crawl through mud, under barbed wire (rubber I think) with one last muddy dash to the finish line. At the end there were a few people waiting to give you your medal for finishing, and a row of tables with piles of bananas and cups of cool/clean water. I can't even tell you how much mud I got in my water cup, but I could really care less.
After the race I waited a few moments and saw another heat start their race. I knew it had to be the 3:30 heat, which meant I had beaten the one hour mark. A few minutes later I walked over to watch Heather, Hayley and Wira come across the finish line together. We recovered with a few more cups of water and than headed to the fire hoses a few hundred feet away, to wash off as much mud as we could before we went and collected our reward, a free pint of shitty beer and a bratwurst on a roll.
Our shoes after being hosed off.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
D&R Canal
So we show up for a bike ride somewhere near Griggstown, New Jersey.
Ride our bikes for a few miles down the D&R Canal to the Griggstown Kayak rental.
Rented some kayaks.
Then spent a few hours Kayaking.
Hey check out this awesome turtle.
We ride our bikes back to the car, and head into Princeton for an amazing burger diner at Winberries Pub.
I have nothing clever to add, it was a beautiful day filled with adventure, great conversation, and wonderful company. In the words of my buddy Greg, "I'm just looking for cigarette butts." True indeed my friend.
Ride our bikes for a few miles down the D&R Canal to the Griggstown Kayak rental.
Rented some kayaks.
Then spent a few hours Kayaking.
Hey check out this awesome turtle.
We ride our bikes back to the car, and head into Princeton for an amazing burger diner at Winberries Pub.
I have nothing clever to add, it was a beautiful day filled with adventure, great conversation, and wonderful company. In the words of my buddy Greg, "I'm just looking for cigarette butts." True indeed my friend.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Palisades.
I think it's about time I gave some recognition to what I consider to be the hardest hike I've attempted, The Palisades Park waterfront trail. Let me give you a little rundown of what to expect if you want to attempt this hike yourself.
First we start with an average trail, nothing too difficult. Than there's the little matter of getting down to the waterfront trail.
Well, it's not that bad. However the trail we were supposed to follow did abruptly end which lead us to slide down the side of a cliff, that while not nearly as bad as this, was pretty insane. It's cool though, at least when we hit the trail at the bottom it'll be smooth sailing.
The Fuck?! Yup, seriously it's just fields of rocks to climb across. Above is the first set, followed by a rocky trail, followed by....
Another rock scramble. I was pretty sure there were only two, imagine my surprise when the third one came along. Also, see those white markers? Those are supposed to be the easy paths across, which is cool in theory, but does take away some of the adventure.
After this point there aren't many pictures. There is a really pretty trail after the third rock scramble, but this unfortunately leads you to climbing back up the side of the cliff, which takes about ten switchbacks of rock stairs to do. It was too hard to hold a camera straight, so all of those pictures are a blurred mess.
Now Although I make this sound like hell, the hike is actually awesome. It's a great challenge and I'm proud to have done it twice. In fact I can't wait to do it a third time. Especially with our crew, a great group of kids sweet enough to follow me into the woods...
Sorry guys, next time I'll pay better attention to the trail blazes.
First we start with an average trail, nothing too difficult. Than there's the little matter of getting down to the waterfront trail.
Well, it's not that bad. However the trail we were supposed to follow did abruptly end which lead us to slide down the side of a cliff, that while not nearly as bad as this, was pretty insane. It's cool though, at least when we hit the trail at the bottom it'll be smooth sailing.
The Fuck?! Yup, seriously it's just fields of rocks to climb across. Above is the first set, followed by a rocky trail, followed by....
Another rock scramble. I was pretty sure there were only two, imagine my surprise when the third one came along. Also, see those white markers? Those are supposed to be the easy paths across, which is cool in theory, but does take away some of the adventure.
After this point there aren't many pictures. There is a really pretty trail after the third rock scramble, but this unfortunately leads you to climbing back up the side of the cliff, which takes about ten switchbacks of rock stairs to do. It was too hard to hold a camera straight, so all of those pictures are a blurred mess.
Now Although I make this sound like hell, the hike is actually awesome. It's a great challenge and I'm proud to have done it twice. In fact I can't wait to do it a third time. Especially with our crew, a great group of kids sweet enough to follow me into the woods...
Sorry guys, next time I'll pay better attention to the trail blazes.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sorry.
One of my favorite moments of the summer was how it kicked off with a pig roast at my buddy Szymons's.
Yeah, pretty rough image, right? How about a baby squirrel pallet cleanser?
Okay now I feel better. This guy hung out on our patio everyday for a few weeks. Adorable.
Yeah, pretty rough image, right? How about a baby squirrel pallet cleanser?
Okay now I feel better. This guy hung out on our patio everyday for a few weeks. Adorable.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Warrior Dash
On June 13th, my lady friend and I competed in the Pennsylvania leg of the Warrior Dash. The race we attended was a 3.5 mile obstacle course erected on the Skirmish Paintball fields about 2 hours from our apartment.
Now I have to note that while I am aware of the existence of the Muddy Mile, The Mud Runner, the mud bah blah blah and the ten other mud related obstacle course races that took place this summer... I fucking hate running. Sorry but I do. I wanted to push myself a little and have some fun while doing it, and I figured a race that was only the length of a 5k and gave you a viking helmet at the end was the way to go. These Marine inspired 10 mile marathons are for people that are either actual soldiers or ran track in high school, both things I have strong moral stances against.
I doubt Heather and Hayley would be smiling after a 10K in their silly viking helmets. Plus after spending an hour running in the woods (actually a hair under 56 minutes), I actually like running a little more now. Especially if the finish of my run looks like this:
Now I have to note that while I am aware of the existence of the Muddy Mile, The Mud Runner, the mud bah blah blah and the ten other mud related obstacle course races that took place this summer... I fucking hate running. Sorry but I do. I wanted to push myself a little and have some fun while doing it, and I figured a race that was only the length of a 5k and gave you a viking helmet at the end was the way to go. These Marine inspired 10 mile marathons are for people that are either actual soldiers or ran track in high school, both things I have strong moral stances against.
I doubt Heather and Hayley would be smiling after a 10K in their silly viking helmets. Plus after spending an hour running in the woods (actually a hair under 56 minutes), I actually like running a little more now. Especially if the finish of my run looks like this:
Maybe now I'll consider a few of those 5k charity runs, and maybe I'll consider another one of those mud runs that are getting so popular. There's no doubt however, that I'm signing up for the Warrior Dash again next year.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
jesus christ!!
wow, so its pretty hard to do an adventure blog when you work full time and spend the rest of your time on adventures. (and by adventure i mean sitting by my pool or at the beach) also when you change the name of your blog and forget to tell..... anyone.
well i guess i should apologize to the people that read this page.... sandy and anyone that stumbled upon it because of a link to that hipster on a tall bike.
sorry.
awesome.... so moving forward ill be posting some picks and stories from this summer's escapades while at the same time remembering to use capital letters and punctuation. There we go. Much better.
Now for a quick preview of what you can expect in the all new BackSlacker.
Look, it's Mike, Wira, Hayley and me after the Warrrior Dash!
(the muscle pose was supposed to be ironic but I look kinda like a dick)
Look, it's Greg on a bike!
Look, it's me in a kayak!
Fantastic. Now that we got that first blog out of the way we can get back to the way things were.
well i guess i should apologize to the people that read this page.... sandy and anyone that stumbled upon it because of a link to that hipster on a tall bike.
sorry.
awesome.... so moving forward ill be posting some picks and stories from this summer's escapades while at the same time remembering to use capital letters and punctuation. There we go. Much better.
Now for a quick preview of what you can expect in the all new BackSlacker.
Look, it's Mike, Wira, Hayley and me after the Warrrior Dash!
(the muscle pose was supposed to be ironic but I look kinda like a dick)
Look, it's Greg on a bike!
Look, it's me in a kayak!
Fantastic. Now that we got that first blog out of the way we can get back to the way things were.
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