It was around September of last year that I became interested in the subculture of rock climbing known as bouldering. For those that don't know, bouldering is a version of climbing that requires no rope, since your destination point is never really over twelve feet (anything above this height is referred to as "soloing," and honestly pretty fucking stupid to do).
My interest in bouldering came after a trip to the Stairway to Heaven overlook, a mountain trail near Vernon, New Jersey. At the base of the mountain is a series of boulders from six to ten feet tall placed relatively close to one and other. On the way up my travel companions and I decided to fool around for a while, climbing up these small obstacles that were just hard enough to make it slightly dangerous but tons of fun. I was informed shortly after that what we were doing had a name, and could be done in the comfort of air conditioned gyms, with gymnast mats to fall onto instead of slightly smaller rocks.
Now as much as I love bouldering I have to admit it is a pretty embarrassing hobby to undertake. I relate it to parkour or aggressive inline skating; its a version of an awesome sport but for slackers. Ultimately I know what I'm doing is a half assed version of rock climbing. I don't really like heights, I don't wanna buy equipment and I don't wanna work hard when I could just be having short blasts of fun instead. This is the same I when I started "blading" in middle school. Couldn't afford a skateboard, couldn't figure out how to ollie and already owned roller blades. PERFECT! It was fun learning almost every trick in one weekend at Rutgers campus.
Alright I'm lying, I couldn't do that super badass trick where you roll backward down a flight of stairs. Which by the way is almost never useful. At no point when skating away from the cops for trespassing did I head anywhere with a staircase, and if I did my first reaction would not have been to turn backward at full speed.
The point is that some sports are tailor made for half assed people. Parkour, or freerunning, is pretty much just running for people that wish they were gymnasts or ninjas. Its not even as noble as actually running, your only really going for twenty feet at a time and it's barely at the pace of a jog. I do find it ironic that parkour and bouldering were both invented by europeon gymnasts. These people were minimalists were trying to create a beautiful and fluid sport, but just like in the art world minimalism can be mistaken for laziness.
My real beef with bouldering are the enthusiasts that keep popping up in Youtube videos and at my local rock gym. They're Linkin Park fans that still wear black Jncos and have flame tattoos on their forearms. They're the kind of people that listen to the Final Fantasy soundtracks and are honestly considering buying a Fushigi ball. Its a contingent of half assed people that can't, won't or don't wanna take the time to actually learn to rock climb and I kinda don't wanna be lumped in with them (I have some bad tattoos and Jncos in my past).
With all of this spouting off I have to admit that I can't wait to get my ass back to the Rock Gym in Fairfield though. I even think its time to bite the bullet and actually buy a fucking harness for rope climbing. Maybe this way I can go back to bouldering with the idea that I can enjoy climbing anything; not just staying under ten feet because I'm too lazy to learn how to belay. Plus, I don't even know where to buy Jncos these days.
